Thailand Travel

Broken English and Broken Chairs

“Good morning,” said our cab driver as we hopped into the back seat at 5:45pm yesterday evening.

As we pulled up near the tailor, our cab squeezed so tightly beside a black parked car and a metallic hot pink taxi that even the cab driver got nervous. And Thai cab drivers never get nervous.

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Life’s too short to wear boring patterns. I have a thing for Paisley, and elephants. And anything that looks like it belongs in the 80s. Which is a problem when I go to Asian countries, because I get into this ridiculous shopping frenzy where I buy the most eye-catching and sometimes hideous patterns.

Oh well, when in Asia.

“Ping pong show for you sir?”
“Wet pussy shot madam?”
Those are a few combinations of words that shouldn’t go together.
I now know why Patpong markets are called Patpong. They smell.

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My bartering skills were a little ruthless last night. I demanded that I would pay no more than $30AU for a pair of nikes, and nobody would sell them to me. So I settled for $35.

Breaks my heart to barter. But it’s all part of the experience.

We caught a cab back to our hotel, and went and grabbed a late dinner at a small bar overlooking the Baan Chaopraya river.

With rainbow lanterns above our heads, bags of market goods in our laps, and a candle inside what looked like a bong sitting in the centre of our table, we tucked into a four cheese pizza.

Mid bite of her pizza slice, I see mum disappear from the corner of my eye. And with a loud crack, the plastic chair beneath her crumbled, and sent her onto the floor, lying there like a turtle on its back.

I immediately jumped to my feet and grabbed her hand, but instead she shouted, “No! Take the pizza!”
So I grabbed the small corner of pizza out of her hand, and she not-so-gracefully picked herself up with the help of a few waitresses.

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